• Emotionally intelligent people are often magnets for narcissists.
  • Understanding this dynamic can help emotionally intelligent people spot narcissistic tendencies before investing in a relationship.
  • There are four phases of narcissistic manipulation: attraction, feeling small, sabotage, and countering manipulation with kindness.

Many emotionally intelligent people often feel as if they are a magnet for narcissists. The constant drama and pain narcissists cause is humiliating and demoralizing. A person may fear he or she embodies a fatal flaw that attracts narcissists. Yet, the flaw may actually be a gift. Understanding how this gift collides with a narcissist in different phases of the relationship may help.

Emotionally intelligent people are typically empathic, attuned to the feelings of others, and self-aware. Understanding the interplay between emotionally intelligent qualities and narcissistic tendencies at various stages in a relationship may help a person see the abusive dynamic more quickly. Stepping back from a narcissist before too much is invested is critical.

Phase 1: The attractionA narcissist is often extremely attracted to a person who is emotionally intelligent. He or she strives to get close to a person who is warm and caring. Similarly, an emotionally intelligent person is flattered by the narcissist’s attention and charm. The narcissist showers the person with compliments and validation, which the emotionally intelligent person appreciates. In fact, the narcissist is so supportive that he or she appears emotionally intelligent. This honeymoon phase usually lasts until the partner is seriously invested in the relationship. Then, things change.

Phase 2: The narcissist feels small. He or she senses the emotionally intelligent mate has something powerful that he or she wants but does not know how to get. The power to connect with others on a deep level, an awareness and understanding of what others are feeling, and the capacity to sense and articulate one’s own emotions allows a person to help, heal, and maintain close and healthy relationships with others who also possess these capacities. Sensing the partner has abilities that he or she lacks creates resentment. The narcissist does not understand the power because he or she does not “speak the language” or “understand the currency,” but he or she wants it. Yet, in time, the narcissist realizes it is a commodity that cannot be extrapolated from the mate and possessed, so he or she resorts to something else.

The narcissist manipulates and abuses the emotionally intelligent person’s gift. He or she punishes the partner……………………………..


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