Came across this blog and felt it was worth sharing.
I made a few minor edits: the original appears at

Suicide. Its a harsh word,and a word that has become all too familiar here in Ireland to myself personally and so many others,and I’m sure to so many around the world. It has in my eyes become just another statistic in our society and something that has to be addressed more. I can only imagine suicidal feelings are terrifying. How does it get to the point when a person can no longer see why they should go on living. There are so many unanswered questions to the friends and families left beside. Like my dear brother Phillip who on October 8th 2005 took his own life aged 28. The brother to 7 sisters and three other brothers. A loving and close family we were,and still are. But there is that missing piece,like a missing piece of the jigsaw,only for this piece can not be placed back,but always remembered every day in our own special way. For the most part it is believed that it is us men who are the most vulnerable. Maybe that’s true but anyone regardless of age,gender can be affected by suicide at some point in there lives. There may of been painful experiences the person could of gone through,feeling overwhelmed with so many emotions. They feel powerless and the idea of suicide may give them a sense of been in control again. I for one blamed myself and felt that somehow felt that it was my fault and I have failed. There can and could be a solution. Many amazing charities like Pieta House, Aware, Console and SOSAD have been doing great work to bring it to the public’s attention. It can be difficult to tell others about what you are going through. I understand that I was angry for my brother who had hurt us by doing this, but suicide turns that anger in on ourselves. The days to follow I slept badly and woke early, loss of appetite and I had a feeling of been cut off. Everything slowly gets back to normal, time does not stand still for nobody. As much as someone wants to die, they may also want a solution to their difficulties. But for many by that time it is to late. They know not where to turn and should be assured help is available. A loss through suicide is like no other, without warning which make the process of bereavement challenging. I have replayed the the final moments over and over in my head in an effort to understand.

And simply because I can’t get the thoughts out of my head. There’s still a powerful stigma attached to mental illness,suicide and depression. Suicide feels like a rejection of us left behind. Feelings of anger,rejection and abandonment.”What if” questions are the real things we ask ourselves. “What if” I done this differently. Suicide can shatter the things we take for granted but it doesn’t mean someone didn’t love there life. It was just a silly mistake I tell myself. We ourselves are at increased risk of thinking about,planning,or attempting suicide. It’s not unusual to wish you were dead,that doesn’t mean you will act on it. But if these feelings persist please confide in someone you trust. I wish my brother would have but the value of family brings us closer together. We share my brothers memories and stories and we acknowledge emotional days such as birthdays or anniversary of the death.

So much has changed because of you. Perhaps you thought you were doing us a favour by taking your life. What hurts us most is that we never really said goodbye or gave us a chance to say goodbye to you. At times we have been angry with you for what you did to yourself,for what you did to us. At times we felt responsible for your death. We have searched for what we did or failed to do,for the clues we missed. No matter what,we could not choose for you. We think of you often,even when it hurts to remember. We are lonely for your presence, we do feel sad at times that you are not here to share so many moments with us. In time it will get less hard. We will remember the good times and in the future you will see us smile again. We have to learn to live again and realise that we cannot die because you chose to die. I pray that you are at peace. At the end of our days I look forward to being with you again.

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